August 11, 2010

Go Go Gadget!

Posted in comedy, comic, gay, humor tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 5:16 am by justinadayswork

This is the greatest invention…ever. Fuck you, wheel

Go Go!

October 22, 2009

SkyMall

Posted in Comic Editorial, Uncategorized tagged , , , at 5:12 am by justinadayswork

So flying from Oregon to Prov, I decided to read Sky Mall instead of something more enriching, like, say, a book.

I LOVE this magazine and its ridiculous products. They always evoke the best reactions out of me. Here are a few I share with you today as together we take a tour of the majesty of in-the-air shopping and my brain.

1. Vuzix iWear
“a wide-screen viewing experience you wear like regular eyeglasses”

This is purely for people who have fetishes for Cyclops from the X Men

2. The voice activated R2-D2.
“R2 can also replay sounds and dialog from Star Wars, answer yes-or-no questions, and dance while playing the famed Cantina music.” R2 is 15 inches tall.

No matter how much you like star wars, do not purchase this item. If you purchase this item, you are effectively ending any chance that anyone will ever sleep with you. If you purchase this item and I already am sleeping with you, this will stop. Acceptability of action figures ends at 5 inches and no sound. A girl needs standards.

3. The pet ramp staircase
“Unlike lesser pet staircases that are difficult to climb for arthritic older pets, this one converts to a ramp”

If your dog is so old and arthritic that they cannot even climb 3 stairs to get on your bed, it’s time for Fido to say goodbye to the world. Fido is hurting.

4. The world’s biggest crossworld puzzle.
“Holding a guinness record for its size, this crossword hangs on a full 7′ by 7′ of wall space”

Unless you have something else that holds a guinness record for how it hangs, or a whole lot of guinness, see #2.

5. Personal charging tray
“conceals 11 connectors and eliminates the need for bulky wall adapters”

You do not need to spend $129 on this. They are called rubber bands.
Use them, my child, and use them well.

6. Nuclear Globe
“Step into your private 6 foot inflatable sphere and spin your way across the water’

Remember that one time, when I dreamt I got turned into a hamster, stuck in a giant hamster ball of doom…

7. SteriPEN
“Risky water? Protect yourself with Steripen”

And the first sign of paranoia is…

8. Swirl Stool
“this stool is lovely to look at and tempting to touch; you’ll want to run your handa along its smooth curves”

I’ll run my hands along your smooth curves…

swirl stool

Baby curve for me!